Interfaith Marriages - Lynslei weds Adam

LYNSLEI WEDS ADAM ON JAN 1, 2018

January 1, 2018, Washington, DC – Dr. Mike Ghouse officiated the wedding ceremony today, and this is the first interfaith wedding of the year. Mike has been officiating the interfaith weddings for the last eight years and is a licensed interfaith wedding officiant in the United States.

When people find it difficult to listen to each other, let alone understand each other, Adam and Lynslei are setting a new standard – that of respecting the otherness of the other and accepting the God given uniqueness of each other. They will be showing us the way, in effect they are saying, “look we are different, but yet we are determined to create harmony.”

Lynslei’s faith of Islam brings the values of equality and dignity to the relationship, whereas Adam’s Christian tradition has taught him forgiveness, repentance and unconditional love in marriage.

How sweet it is, that these two traditions will bring fullness to their relationship, with values from Christian and Muslims traditions.

When two people fall in love with each other, Marriage is the most important milestone of that relationship, and it is the biggest event of their life and must be celebrated and cheered by one and all.

Indeed, the Holy Quran says, God has created all species in pairs and has made one for the other, and he puts love between two souls which brings them together. And as that union takes place, God is the happiest. God is about harmony and marriage is a step to bring harmony between two people. Indeed, they are very patriotic Americans; they are contributing the idea of one nation under God by coming together.

Mike has officiated a range of weddings between people of different faiths including Atheists in a secular marriage. Wedding Sermons are customized to reflect the faiths of the individuals. More about it at www.InterfaithMarriages.org

Mike is a Community consultant actively engaged in research and activism and offers pluralistic solutions on issues of the day. He will continue to focus his energies on ensuring a safe and secure America for all, where no one has to worry about his race, faith, ethnicity or other God-given uniqueness and live his/her life without apprehensions.

Mike Ghouse
www.InterfaithMarriages.org
Mike@InterfaithMarriages.org
Wedding Officiant

Good Parenting and Interfaith marriages

Good parenting and interfaith marriages | http://interfaithmarriages.blogspot.com 

Once your kids turn 18, you would know if you have failed or succeeded as a parent. I am pleased to share the two sides of the coin.

On Friday the 18^th day of March 2016, it was a joy to officiate an interfaith marriage between a Muslim bride and a Mormon groom.  What transpired there was a joyful union of not only of the man and the woman but of their families.  I am pleased to share a few good things after the ceremony. I hope some of you can relate to it, and some rejoice it knowing that there are so many great parents out there. 

Some of the most beautiful moments of the weddings that I cherish were; the statement made by bride’s father, "My daughter took complete charge of this ceremony; it's all her planning." He was very proud of the fact that his little daughter is so capable. The Mother of the Bride, on the other hand, was standing quietly and admiring her daughter’s freedom and independence.  I wish I had taken her picture, she was standing right in front me absorbed in her daughter’s happiness.  The Grooms parents acknowledged how they have raised their son to be open minded about fellow humans. Of course, I can relate with his faith, one of my best friends was a Mormon. Groom’s mother was serenely happy and the father felt proud of seeing his son making a great choice.

This is the ultimate achievement of good parenting that your kids are independent and are ready to live their lives on their own terms.

On the other hand, if your kids fear you, you are missing the beauty of the relationship, but don't lose hope, you can start the process of restoring the relationship now.

In one of the interfaith weddings I officiated a few years ago, a Christian man turned Atheist was marrying a Hindu girl, and his parents had disowned him and did not want to talk with him unless the girl is converted. (Conservatism is a part of every religion).  It took some counseling and the father agreed to attend the wedding ceremony if I call on Jesus as the witness, and groom agreed to live with it.  After all, that is the whole purpose of an interfaith marriage ceremony, to give a semblance of their faith in the sermon.  After the ceremony, the father who was standing aloof in the corner, walked up to me and gave a big hug and joined his kids in the celebrations. Thank God, the tenseness between the families evaporated in a hurry, it was meant to be.

You may consider watching the movie “2 States” with English subtitles; it is one of the finest Bollywood movies made about a tyrant father restoring his relationships with his son. However, the main plot of the movie was humor that comes with inter-ethnic marriages.
 

Good parenting involves a good relationship. If your kids are excited to share their story or talk with you without fear, you are a damn good parent, and you are blessed with the relationship to cherish it for a lifetime.

Discipline yes, the punishment no.

I never spanked or screamed at my kids, there was no need for it, but, I am glad their mother gave them the discipline they needed,  while freedom was my thing.

It tears me apart when a few men shout at their kids, let alone beat them up. What a shame it is, they are incapable of respecting their own offspring, what will they respect then?  If they were not respected, it does not mean they have to pass it on to their offspring, we have to make it better for each successive generation, and they have to take that step.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned from my ex-wife was to keep love to discipline ratio above 4: 1, that is, give them love and hug four times before a disciplinary command. It worked well for me even though I was a failed disciplinarian, I just couldn't be tough, particularly with my girl, when she responded with Yes Sirs, nor could I be tough with my boy, I could not stand humiliation on his face.  Now, as a Grandfather, I watch him deal with his little son, and what a joy it is to me that he treats his kid with patience, logic and reason, and the little sucker responds to him, just like he did with me. I am all smiles.

A few men have the arrogance to believe, that, unless you scream and frighten your kids, they don't learn, that is baloney!  Imagine working for a boss who screams at you, thank God that breed is disappearing now. I had one like that in India.

What is the need to control kids?  Instead, you ought to think about the following pledge to restore your relationship with your family members;

Take the pledge!

"Let them be who they are"
"Let me get out of their way"
"Let me shed my arrogance to teach them"
"Let them make mistakes and correct themselves"
"Let them be independent"
"Let them make their own decision”
“Let me be a good listener to my kids”
“Let me not interrupt them while they are talking”
“Let me believe them when they say even the most outrageous things”
“Let me be their friend”

It is never too late, both the parent and the kids desire, want, and seek this, take the first step and enjoy the relationship with your family members.

Dr. Mike Ghouse is a community consultant, social scientist, thinker, writer, news maker, Interfaith Wedding officiant, and a speaker on Pluralism, Interfaith, Islam, politics, terrorism, human rights, India, Israel-Palestine, motivation, and foreign policy. He is committed to building cohesive societies and offers pluralistic solutions on issues of the day. Visit him (63 links) at www.MikeGhouse.net and www.TheGhousediary.com for his exclusive writings. 

Valentine's day Vandalism in India

Valentine's day is a celebration of love, while it is a meaningful day for most people around the world,  it is a day of harassment and vandalism for some in India.  As Indians should we feel embarrassed about it? Of course not! 

The Vandalism side of the story at - https://www.saddahaq.com/humaninterest/valentinesday/vandals-or-valentines-day

Pictures of Interfaith  couples followed by the positive side of the story and links to a few good romantic songs at - An album of interfaith couples will be set with your pictures of those couples who did not convert the one or the other. to their religious tradition. More about it at:  http://interfaithmarriages.blogspot.com/2015/02/future-of-valentines-day.html

King Akbar Married Jodabai - they remained Muslim and Hindu

 

If you are an interfaith couple and would like to share a picture, I will create an album for the same. Need to have it by 2/15 to be a part of the Album.

 Future of Valentine's day after the pictures:

Throughout the history of language, words have taken on new and expanded meanings; Valentine's Day is no exception.

From an exclusive meaningful rendezvous between two lovers, the Valentine's Day will morph into an all-inclusive romantic day. It will become a universal affection day within a decade.

Valentine’s Day is a universal expression of affection between two individuals. Love has no bounds; it is between two people in love, husband and wife, mother and son, father daughter, brother sister, brothers, sisters, friends, uncles, aunties, Grandpa and Grandma and any one you care about.

Please feel free to say happy valentine to your sister, mother, brother, daughter, dad, uncle or a friend. It is a much bigger word now than it started out to be. Take them out for dinner and send them flowers to let them know that you care if you are the only one for them at this point in life.

While we express it by presenting red roses to our loved ones, the Filipinos will break another record; the number of people kissing at the same time, Brazil will have another major festival on her beaches celebrating love. You are welcome to share other such expressions. Now there is a selfie competition going as well.

On the other side of the world, a few frustrated ones with life go to the other end. The right wingers among orthodox Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Jews and others will start giving religious tones to it instead of going to their place of worship and seeking God's love.

Sadly, some of you are going to feel lonely, if you miss the love in your life; you have an opportunity to fulfill it. There is plenty in you that you can give by feeding the homeless, visiting lonely patients in the hospitals or nursing homes, disadvantage women and children, our veterans... share whatever little you have with them including the time and just listening to them. When a homeless person asks, give whatever you can, that is the most affectionate thing to do, you will enrich yourselves far greater by sharing.

Whenever the word affection comes to mind, I picture my dad and recall the way he called out my Mother's name Khairun, it was filled with affection and I have always enjoyed the sound of that, it was simply soothing to hear.

I dedicate these three songs to people in love.  

Kenny Roger's, you decorated my life: I particularly like the line which says, there is no rhyme or reason that is what love is all about. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJkPFSt326c

Ronnie Millsap’s, what a difference you made in my life, 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ni1WPGEZtg&feature=fvst

Muhammad Rafi's ai Husn Zara Jaag in Urdu/ Hindi, 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_qGtHjM6Oc

and Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan's, aap say mil kay in Urdu/Hindi
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixRn65ImoRQ

My expressions would be incomplete without honoring the poet of love, Mirza Ghalib, one of the greatest romantic poets of all time who composed his poetry in Urdu/Hindi and Farsi.

Ishk per zor nahin, hai a o aatish ghalib
Ke lagaye na lege, bujhaye no bujhe.

Affection is that flame dear ole Ghalib,
it cannot be lit or extinguished,  it just happens.

If we can learn to respect the otherness of others and accept the God given uniqueness of each one of us, then conflicts fade and solutions emerge.

Be good to your fellow beings. 

Happy Valentine's Day 

Thank you
mike
Mike Ghouse
(214) 325-1916 text/talk
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Mike Ghouse is a public speaker, thinker, writer and a commentator on Pluralism at work place, politics, religion, society, gender, race, culture, ethnicity, food and foreign policy. He is a staunch defender of human rights and his book standing up for others will be out soon, and a movie "Americans together" is in the making.  He is a frequent guest commentator on Fox News and syndicated Talk Radio shows and a writer at major news papers including Dallas Morning News and Huffington Post. All about him is listed in 63 links at www.MikeGhouse.net and his writings are atwww.TheGhousediary.com and 10 other blogs. He is committed to building cohesive societies and offers pluralistic solutions on issues of the day.

Texas Faith: Are Interfaith Marriages Good for Couples?

Interfaith couples must be admired by one and all. When couples are having difficulty in getting along, they are setting a new standard: respecting the otherness of someone else and accepting the God-given uniqueness of each other. They may have grown up in different religious traditions, but yet, religion is not a barrier. The poet philosopher of the East, Dr. Allama Iqbal, says, Religion does not teach one to have ill-will. 

Texas Faith :Are Interfaith Marriages Good for Couples?
Dallas Morning News | Published on June 18, 2013
By Bill McKenzie  
 

Naomi Schaefer Riley has a new book out with the title Til Faith Do Us Part: How Interfaith Marriage is Transforming America. You can read about that book at this link and then this link.

Interestingly, Riley, a former Wall Street Journal editor who has written extensively about religion and culture, notes that 45 percent of all U.S. marriages in the last decade were between people of different faiths. Naturally, we may look at that as a sign of greater acceptance and tolerance, which a broad society needs to remain dynamic and growing.

But Riley also reports that marrying across religious lines may be very difficult for the couples involved. Their deeply-held differences may eventually become a problem, especially when it comes to raising children.

There are a number of ways we could go with this question, including why dating couples may spend more time worrying about political differences than religious distinctions. Feel free to chime in on that aspect, if you like. But the main point I would like you to consider is this: Interfaith marriages may help the broader society, but are they good for the couples?

MIKE GHOUSE, President, Foundation for Pluralism, and Speaker on interfaith matters, diversity and pluralism

Marriage is between two individuals who are willing to commit to each other’s well-being. They dedicate their lives to each other till death does them apart. The couple marries as a fulfillment of their desire for each other, and there is rarely a consideration to help the broader society.

However, interfaith, inter-racial and inter-ethnic marriages have paved the way for others in the larger societies who were once denied the right to pursue their happiness. Stories abound, where the lovers were prevented, harassed or killed by the parents, society or the clergy. We must appreciate their sacrifice, even though that was not their intention.

I must add a couplet from Urdu and Hindi Language, written by the Master Indian poet Mirza Ghalib:

Ishq par zor naheeN, hai ye woh aatish ‘GHalib’
ki lagaaye na lage aur bujhaaye na bane

Love is such a flame Ghalib (pen name),
you cannot lit or extinguish it, it just happens.

Like all couples, the interfaith couple also endures similar strains in their relationship, (8.4 and 7.9 marital satisfaction on Riley Scale) but it may take the avatar of faith if they are at each other’s throat. It is always easy to blame the religion for our failings. However, interfaith and other inter-relationships tend to be stronger.

Political differences provide humor to some couples. My father and mother voted differently but never had a fight over it except the occasional cold wars. I am a Republican and my wife is a Democrat, and we make attempts to convince each other, but back off as quickly as we initiate it, when she quotes me the Quran, “That you cannot compel your spouse to believe what she does not want to believe.”

Interfaith couples must be admired by one and all. When couples are having difficulty in getting along, they are setting a new standard: respecting the otherness of someone else and accepting the God-given uniqueness of each other. They may have grown up in different religious traditions, but yet, religion is not a barrier. The poet philosopher of the East, Dr. Allama Iqbal, says, Religion does not teach one to have ill-will.

I am a marriage officiant and have performed a range of interfaith marriages as a part of my pluralism work.

To see all the other responses, at Dallas Morning News at:http://religionblog.dallasnews.com/2013/06/texas-faith-are-interfaith-marriages-good-for-couples.html/
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Added: Interfaith marriages performed include; Jewish-Christian; Hindu-Christian; Muslim-Jain; Hindu-Muslim, Atheist Hindu and  Jewish-Muslim and other combinations. For details, please visit: http://www.interfaithmarriages.blogspot.com/

This is my 133rd contribution at Dallas Morning News

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Mike Ghouse is a speaker, thinker and a writer on pluralism, politics, peace, Islam, Israel, India, interfaith, and cohesion at work place. He is committed to building a Cohesive America and offers pluralistic solutions on issues of the day at www.TheGhousediary.com. He believes in Standing up for others and has done that throughout his life as an activist. Mike has a presence on national and local TV, Radio and Print Media. He is a frequent guest on Sean Hannity show on Fox TV, and a commentator on national radio networks, he contributes weekly to the Texas Faith Column at Dallas Morning News; fortnightly at Huffington post; and several other periodicals across the world. His personal site www.MikeGhouse.net indexes all his work through many links.